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Annals of Civilizational Decay

Staplers aren't what they used to be.

Most standard office staplers are incapable of driving a standard staple through more than about eight pages of paper--any more than that and the staple inevitably gets bent and warped. If you think this is because the staple itself is too flimsy, think again.

My dad gave me an old gray Swingline stapler that looks like it was made during the Kennedy administration. It's made of thick metal everywhere and weighs about twice what a new stapler weighs. Put an ordinary, modern staple in that sucker, and you can staple, cleanly, just about any stack of paper that you can fit between its jaws.

Next week: the cheesy crap that's marketed as a "floor lamp."


And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.

Mandatory "Office Space" quote

But seriously Carey, you better be careful that you don't turn into Andy Rooney

Ha! Andy Rooney! I like that one.

But seriously, I don't think you have to worry about my turning into Andy Rooney. I do think a lot of things have gotten much better than they were in the past, to wit:

  1. Women's greater equality; their ability to get educated, play sports, and do interesting things.

  2. The return of the coffeehouse. Good for us yuppies, and good for the small Arabica bean coffee farmers who sell the good stuff (not the Brazilian mega-industrial robusta crap they put in Folgers)
  3. The liberalization of "traditional family values." While there are some profound problems out there, our world is much better when the fundamentalist religious zealots who've convinced themselves that they know what God wants can't tell us how to live our lives. The Right is fighting a losing battle on this one, and it's a good thing too.
  4. Broadband internet. Oh, yes.

So you see, I'm in no danger of turning into Andy Rooney. Besides, I like Andy. If you ever think I'm in danger of turning into John Stossel, please warn me.

I just want to support your Swingline comments. I've been an advocate for older Swingline models for years and have been scoffed at. It's good to know I'm not someone with a weird office supply fixation! LOLOLOL